3/11/09

So Sunday night I went out for a walk. A long one. It's the only thing that clears my mind.

Then I remembered that I have to verify my un-employment by midnight, and it was already past 11pm. When I walked into the door my boyfriend wanted to talk. I wanted to do anything but talk. i know he's trying in the best way he knows how, but it's just not comforting. Especially coming from someone whom has lost their mother.

The next day I went for a walk in Stone Mountain park. I walked until I got tired, then I sat and started to think. I made up my mind to pack my bags and go to LA, with no money for a ticket mind you. I knew that I'd have my un-employment funds on Wednesday though, but her condition was worsening.

When I got back to the car sweaty and tired, I called back my god-mother and my sister. My god-mother bought my plane ticket. But I didnt hear from my sister again. I just knew I had to come out.

After droping my bags at my sister's house I rushed to the hospital. The nurse is very friendly, explaining what the tubes are for and her condition. I bent over to my mother's ear and chanted. The nurse basically asked us when do we want to pull the plug. I couldn't take take. I stormed out the hospital and got into the car with my friend.

That's not a decision I could make, I'll always wonder, "what if." Wednesday morning the hospital called to tell us that she was in bad shape. I droped my friend off at school and watched her son for most of the day. he stayed out of school because he was sick. When I dropped her off at home, my sister called to ask if I was coming to the hospital. I wasnt going to cause I feel like her condition would remain the same, but felt like I needed to be there for a reason.

Once I got to the ICU waiting room, my sister told me that my mother had passed. I let out a sigh of relief. She's at peace now.

No more tubes, dialysis, diapers. She was very uncomfortable in her condition. I'm happy that her suffering is over. I miss her, and sometimes I cant be in her house a long time, but so far everything else is good.

February Recap

Feb kicked thing into high gear.

I started taking slim fast. I walked 1.3 miles everyday except Sunday, even did some core exercises. I cut out sugar and dairy.

That was the first two weeks. Then something happened. I went on a straight sugar binge. Though my weight has fluctuated, my clothes are feeling looser. So far I've only put back on one of those 6 pounds.

Now that it's March I'm determined to kick it back into high gear. Yesterday I parked on Main Street and followed the trail to Stone Mountain park. I walked until I couldnt walk anymore. A close family member is very sick and the walking helped clear my mind.

I sat down on a bench and collected my thoughts. I should have brought a watch. I dont know how long I sat there, but when I started thinking that I had to walk ALL the way back to the car, I got kind of mad at myself.

I made it. I must have walked a total of 4 miles. I couldnt even start the car for trying to catch my breath.

Today at the airport I decided to walk to my terminal instead of taking the train. I got to terminal B, 2,000 ft, and got on the train. I guess I dazed off cause when I came to I was at terminal E, and had to walk back another 1,000 ft to terminal D.

I've done so much walking these two days, and now that I'm back in Los Angeles, I know that it's preparing me for what's about to come.