3/11/09

So Sunday night I went out for a walk. A long one. It's the only thing that clears my mind.

Then I remembered that I have to verify my un-employment by midnight, and it was already past 11pm. When I walked into the door my boyfriend wanted to talk. I wanted to do anything but talk. i know he's trying in the best way he knows how, but it's just not comforting. Especially coming from someone whom has lost their mother.

The next day I went for a walk in Stone Mountain park. I walked until I got tired, then I sat and started to think. I made up my mind to pack my bags and go to LA, with no money for a ticket mind you. I knew that I'd have my un-employment funds on Wednesday though, but her condition was worsening.

When I got back to the car sweaty and tired, I called back my god-mother and my sister. My god-mother bought my plane ticket. But I didnt hear from my sister again. I just knew I had to come out.

After droping my bags at my sister's house I rushed to the hospital. The nurse is very friendly, explaining what the tubes are for and her condition. I bent over to my mother's ear and chanted. The nurse basically asked us when do we want to pull the plug. I couldn't take take. I stormed out the hospital and got into the car with my friend.

That's not a decision I could make, I'll always wonder, "what if." Wednesday morning the hospital called to tell us that she was in bad shape. I droped my friend off at school and watched her son for most of the day. he stayed out of school because he was sick. When I dropped her off at home, my sister called to ask if I was coming to the hospital. I wasnt going to cause I feel like her condition would remain the same, but felt like I needed to be there for a reason.

Once I got to the ICU waiting room, my sister told me that my mother had passed. I let out a sigh of relief. She's at peace now.

No more tubes, dialysis, diapers. She was very uncomfortable in her condition. I'm happy that her suffering is over. I miss her, and sometimes I cant be in her house a long time, but so far everything else is good.